Fear

"The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself." FDR

I've been thinking a lot about this quote the last few days. How true it is. I never thought I was afraid of anything, until I was forced to really think about it. One thing I realized I feared is what other people think about me. This is so much to a point that it is controlling. What bothers me more is that I allow it. I allow my fears to control what I eat, what I wear, how I do my hair, how I worship, how I pray, and so much more.

"Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves." Phil. 2:3

Through my experience at "The Road Adventure", (www.theroadadventure.com)

I have realized that I shouldn't care what other people think. I only need to be concerned with what my God thinks. I'm not discounting the fact that what Bart thinks is important to me. I know that if I'm pleasing God, I will please my husband.

Sunday at church, I was standing in the balcony, where we normally sit, and I just realized that I didn't feel free to worship God as I want. Now, I love my church, and I love the people at my church. However, it doesn't promote a "freeing" atmosphere. It doesn't encourage people to feel the sweet release from having no reservations during worship. I stood there during a worship song, very reserved, and was having a very intense internal battle. It was kinda like having a good angel and a bad angel on my shoulders. The bad one was saying, "if you raise your hands in worship you're going to look silly because no one else is doing it. Plus you'll make others who don't understand you feel uncomfortable." Then the good one was saying, "Worship God how you want to! He wants to see and feel your heart! It doesn't matter what others think! This is a time to glorify God!" So, the good angel won, and I lifted my hands in adoration and thanksgiving for all that my God has done for me. There was a time when I wouldn't have been embarrassed to do this. I lost that person a long time ago because of tragedies that I faced. I lost the freedom to worship though my own actions. God still deserved to be worshiped, but it was out of my own self-pity and lack of faith that I stopped worshiping him with an open heart. God has since shown me that he is worthy of my trust and he is worthy of my worship.

I also realized that where we sit during service isn't beneficial to my spiritual growth. We have always sat in the balcony, part out of convenience, and part out of being a "back row baptist." So I've decided it's too distracting sitting in the balcony. So many things to look at when you're at the top. That, and there are so many families with children that sit up there. I love children, but they are a distraction to me.

This morning on the way to work, God really spoke to me. They were talking about fear on KLove and that's what sparked a lot of my thinking today. One of the hosts asked this question: "What would life be like if our first reaction was out of faith and not out of fear?" Wow...what an amazing thought!? Just the fact that they were talking about this on the radio showed me that everyone does this! How silly are we? To place so much care and importance in what others will think, when all along all that matters is what God thinks and that I can fall asleep at night. Living with no regrets is difficult. One thing I do regret is placing so much pressure on myself and on my life to be perfect. Because it hasn't been perfect, and I know I'm not perfect. But I aim for perfection. But why? When I know that I will fail? The reason is because we should aim for perfection in God's eyes, not in the world's.

My hope and prayer for you is that you will stop putting so much weight into what others think about you. That you will put your trust in God and act out of faith and not fear. Faith that you can believe and trust in God's perfect will and design for your life.

Blessings to you.